I started a new site, on a whim, that was to reflect the more spiritual aspects of this "journey"... more the inner-journey than the outer-journey. The last few months I've made a deep sojourn into my "spiritual being". I thought for a while that this site would become redundant. I even published a post right here to say as much and direct you to the new blog. But every day brings new surprises and clarity and insight - and it turns out that this blog is still the most relevant. So I duly deleted the post, and substitute it for this one.
To bring you up to date, I recommend you first read the last post on the new blog, then come back here for the definitive story as it now stands. I'm not sure if I'm going to keep the new site up, but I don't have to decide that yet.
Anyway... You can reach that new blog HERE.
When I started this blog, I envisioned myself travelling around in my camper-bus, singing and telling stories as a traveling minstrel. That didn't happen, and the reason it didn't happen was because I didn't have the confidence to BE the minstrel I saw myself being. The travelling made me feel lonely, singing scared me. And I had little success selling my album. When my funds became really low, I came back to Amsterdam to sort things out. I imagined I might even have to swallow my pride and get a normal job again. As it turns out I haven't yet needed to do that - and now I know that I don't have to. The greatest burden I experienced was having to use my funds to support my house and bills in Amsterdam, even while I wasn't living here, and this idea of keeping a base here makes it very difficult for me to really break free - having to earn several hundred euros every month while on the road is a hell of a stress. And it's really only just come clear to me what I need to do to achieve what I want to do. So, I'm going to tell you first what it is that I really really really want to do... and then tell you how I've decided to go about it.
Have you ever asked yourself this question? I ask myself continually - always trying to get to the essence of what I want my life to be about. And in the end it's very simple... and it's always been my answer. What I really really really want to do is be free. Free.. to do what I want, when I want, where I want and how I want!
Get real Mike... it isn't that simple! Oh but it is! I've just been making it hard for myself. I always thought that lots of money would allow me to be free... but I'm not much of a money-maker because deep in my psyche money doesn't really interest me. In the choice between money or time, throughout my life I've always chosen time (only the last eleven years have I kept a secure conventional job, for the purpose of giving my son a stable lifestyle). And I haven't changed. I still choose "free-time" above earning money, that's why I don't have a job, or money, or career, or lots of possessions.... or much of a future as a model citizen. It's not that I don't like money - I love it - but I don't like having to work 40 hours a week, for most of my precious life in order to earn it.
Having a job leads to needing a stable address and a bank account, and from this comes bills and rent and taxes and energy-costs and gadgets... it's a way of life, that's all. And it's not the way of life I prefer.
If I could win the lottery I could pay for my freedom without a job... but I don't do the lottery so there's not much chance of winning (if ever there was). So - how do I get to do what I want, when, where, and how I want? And what does that mean?
It means I want to be free to wake up every morning and decide on the spur of the moment, on a whim, what I fancy doing for the rest of the day. It could be walking, or sitting in a cafe, watching the world go by and writing in my journal. Or it could be something physical to feel my body. Or it could be something spiritual - meditation or yoga or experimenting with manifesting (read the other blog to know what this is all about). Or it could be talking with others - long and deep conversations about the nature of reality. Or it could be travelling to new places. Or it could be something creative - songwriting, singing, drawing, sand-sculpting, playing or learning a musical instrument. Or it could be doing nothing in particular... read a book... watch a film... lie in the sun... nap and dream...
That's simple enough to understand right? Good.... now on to the next part.
I have a belief - a spiritual belief - that we are in essence spiritual beings having a human experience. And I'm sure that, as a spiritual being, it wasn't the plan to be human and live a miserable life full of stress and haste and regret and doubt and fear and anger... but to have fun, be happy, feel love, feel oneness and connected, learn and grow, and experience to the full the magic of this place called earth. Trouble is that we get so caught up in the details of fitting in with the society we've created, that we give up a lot of our personal joys and pleasures and dreams through habit... through conditioning... through thinking that "fitting in" is the right thing to do. I'm fed up with fitting in.
So I have to give up all the things that allow me to fit in. All the things that are costing me money - money I have to earn. It's clear to me now. I need to give up my house, my possessions, my Amsterdam lifestyle, my bills, my tax payments, my registration as a resident of Nederland... and really hit the road. Doing this frees me up considerably from having to earn so much. All I really need is enough to feed me and fuel my camper (and a bit extra to pay off debts, but they're not something I intend to worry myself with). I'm talking a couple of hundred a month... and I can earn that quite easily by playing guitar on the streets a few hours a week. So the time has come to make this lifestyle change... and I intend to make it within the next month (stay tuned).
It might sound quite drastic to some to give up everything, but I don't feel that it is. I reviewed all my possessions a few days ago and realized I have nothing that's really important (a couple of boxes of old stuff from past years). What doesn't fit in the camper can go. I see that my real valuable possessions are the memories and experiences I have, and the people I love... and I carry them with me, in me, always... the rest is fluff... illusory value.
So it is time to give up the fluff if I want to be free. Live more in the now, collecting more experiences and memories, meeting more people to love.
At the moment of writing I scarcely have enough money to pay another month's rent... yet I feel free of worry. It's a fantastic feeling!